My mom knew that simplistic, little me had been craving the perfect set of basic white dishes. I love food and for me personally when I look at a plate, I want the food to be the centerpiece. So when my mom pointed these out to me in the Deseret Book catalog I was smitten! They fulfill the very basic, white element I want but also inject some special meaning in a subtle way. The dinnerware has a Beehive on the top of the plate and it reminded me of when I went to Utah and toured Brigham Young's house. He used the Beehive to symbolize the importance of a strong work ethic. I loved touring that house, the Beehive House, seeing how they lived and imagining the lives that unfolded there. The best part though was seeing the Bronze bust of 'Uncle Brigham' when I was touring the Conference Center and looking at his forehead and laughing, realizing it is the EXACT SAME one as my husband's. It felt really special to be able to tangibly see and touch pieces of Justin's family's past and know that same blood that ran through the veins of the people in that home now runs through my girl's veins. It was pretty awesome.
Another reason I love the Beehive is because my mom calls my girls "The Busy Bees" because well...they never stop! They are constantly buzzing around in perpetual motion. So I loved the Beehive on there for that reason too, it reminded me of my girls. So imagine my absolute delight and giddiness when my mom came home from a trip to Boise with eight place settings of these wonderful dishes for me! I am so grateful and look forward to serving so many family dinners on these dishes. Here's to many memorable meals in the Young family! Thank you SO MUCH Mom! I love you!
Lately I have felt a little off. Maybe it's been pregnancy hormones. Maybe it's because I'm out of my familiars. Maybe it's because I'm still working through the emotions of everything that has happened recently in my life with a big move and all that it entails. Whatever it is, I've been on edge. Not always, but more than usual, I feel scrappier than normal with my guard up. Something in my subconscious doesn't want to surrender to emotion and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel the need to be strong for everyone in my life. I'm a scrapper, I'm a fighter, I can do it, I can take it... until those days where you can't. Until those days where you want to stay in bed and tell the world to go away.
I've been struggling to figure out why it is we are in Oregon. I love, love, love having my parents near by and people have been very friendly and caring to me. But something is off. I get irritated at the weather or lack of things I loved in the South. I miss my friends and family and despite all the good around me, I've allowed myself to feel kind of isolated. I keep hoping that one day I'm going to wake up and everything will be the way it was. That I'll have all my dear friends and family around me, that I'll know where my life will be taking me beyond the next 18 months. That I will feel like the future is a great place to shoot towards, rather than a big, looming unknown. That I will have that feeling of contentment rather than dread.
I've also had a hard time as a mother. I love my kids with all my heart and would do anything for them. But I have felt the weight of motherhood on my shoulders. How can I do and be for all of them and be just what they all individually need? How can I listen to Brynna's questions and focus Maryn and peel Lauryn off the floor in one of her tantrums and clean house and make dinner AND get ready to do it all again with this little one? How? How, how, how?! I try to have faith that this pregnancy was part of the Lord's plan. Because neither Justin and I would have planned this right now in a million years. How can I do this? Please tell me because I don't want my kids to grow up feeling I was only there going through the motions. I want them to know that I do care about them and every little thing but the pieces of me are spread so thin.
Lately it seems everyone I meet loves to tell me that girls are SO much harder than boys. I've never had a boy, so I don't know. So please don't tell me that. Just let me live in ignorance of the fact that not everyone is dealing with a household of high energy, high drama, high emotion and strong personalities. What would it be like to have a child or children that listened or didn't question everything you say. Little people that were complacent and happy to float through life in blissful obedience to your every request. I DON'T KNOW!!! My mom told me "Your girls are a delight, but they are tough, each and every one of them." How am I supposed to do and be for all four of my sweet and very strong girls? (I'm sure #4 will be just as strong-willed as the others. They are all related to Justin and I, therefore through genetics alone they have no choice.)
My point is not to complain. My point is this video really helped me sort things out in my brain. My problems are nothing in comparison to what others face. If Stephanie Nielson can accept her new life and a new physical version of herself after trials I can only imagine entered her life and be grateful for it, then I can and need to break through the fog of whatever that has been holding me back and help me find that true, deep, radiating and contented joy in my life again.
I know what the answer is. I've been fighting it because I'm stubborn and hate admitting I can't do and be everything all on my own. But I need to turn it over to Christ and invite His help and comfort into my life. I loved the quote by Jeffrey R. Holland at the end of the clip. It reminded my that Heavenly Father is there for me through all the things I don't understand or can't do. He is there waiting for me...but I have to be willing to accept His help.
There is a quote from Boyd K. Packer that says "Prayer is your personal key to heaven. The lock is on your side of the veil." I'm tired of having my door locked. I'm tired of being stubborn and scrappy and trying to do it on my own for some unknown, ridiculous reason. I'm ready to unlock the lock and ask for help and understanding. I know I need to embrace my new life, including the things I don't understand and know that it is all in His hands. I just need to have faith and surrender.
My mom knew that simplistic, little me had been craving the perfect set of basic white dishes. I love food and for me personally when I look at a plate, I want the food to be the centerpiece. So when my mom pointed these out to me in the Deseret Book catalog I was smitten! They fulfill the very basic, white element I want but also inject some special meaning in a subtle way. The dinnerware has a Beehive on the top of the plate and it reminded me of when I went to Utah and toured Brigham Young's house. He used the Beehive to symbolize the importance of a strong work ethic. I loved touring that house, the Beehive House, seeing how they lived and imagining the lives that unfolded there. The best part though was seeing the Bronze bust of 'Uncle Brigham' when I was touring the Conference Center and looking at his forehead and laughing, realizing it is the EXACT SAME one as my husband's. It felt really special to be able to tangibly see and touch pieces of Justin's family's past and know that same blood that ran through the veins of the people in that home now runs through my girl's veins. It was pretty awesome.
