To My Daughters...

Tonight, my love for you is full. Wanting so bad to write in your journals. Searching, sorting. Living in bins and storage. They're not to be found. But I want each one of you to know how my heart squeezes tight in my chest when I think of you. When I think of how fiercely proud each one of you makes me. How stroking each of your cheeks as you each lay sleeping centers me in a way I feel nothing else in this world could. Do you know how you can take such an imperfect woman and make her cringe at her faults, but also give her hope for who she could be? My dear, beautiful daughters will you know how each one of you entering into my life has changed it for the good? Will you know when your grown how sorry I am for my imperfections? For sometimes waking up grouchy or not patiently listening to your questions that could unfold the universe? I often wonder once you are grown what your memories of me will be. I hope beyond hope that the years will find you always the best of friends. That you will come together to laugh and reminisce and even with my permission, to make fun of me. But mostly I hope that when the three of you look back you'll know regardless of my faults, I love you. With every shred and fiber of my being.

Tonight I rolled from my side to my back after finishing a book and my shirt came up, exposing my ever-rounding belly. What I saw brought a smile to my face. There shifted to one side of my belly was your baby brother or sister. I put my hand over the bump, feeling it fill the void in my warm and empty palm. A new life, a new journey, a new person cradled in my hand. It was the first moment that this new life, your new sibling, felt completely real to me. It reconfirmed to me the love I have for being a mother. It is single-handedly the most challenging thing I have ever or will ever do...and I'm grateful for it. Grateful for the chance to love this new life just as I love each of you. Grateful that out of all the people that could have come into my life, it was each one of you. So I hope you'll do your dear, old Mom a favor and know and never forget that each one of you are and always will be, my masterpiece.